I finally had a date on Monday.  It was the first time I showed up with absolutely no apprehension.  That could be due to the 4 hour conversation we had on Saturday.  I had a great time and am looking forward to wine and vodka tasting this weekend.

Profile Rules

quote from "Free Agents" on NBC - Season1 episode 4: Rebranding

"First Rule - Discard all photos that don't show the body; Neck up means they're fat; Body looks OK, but the photos old, they're fat; Weird Pose...Fat.."

Link to episode

Trollops!!!

Nothing new to report of  late, so I thought I would share.  Seems accurate if you ask me.  Thanks for sharing Mitch.

Need better bait...and another call for contributors

So apparently after the 3 dates that were recheduled (1 cancelled) I have hit a dry spell.  I am guessing I need better "bait" or to find a way to "chum the waters". 

I am still hoping to for people to help contribute to the blog.  You can request to be added as an author or you can email me if you want your stories posted anonymously.  Hopefully oneday I will get an actual subscriber to the blog.

I did check and so far I have had enough views for exactly 1 penny worth of revenue...LOL

Back in the water...

So last week I had 3 dates scheduled.  As previously stated the first date was a bust.

My second date was on Thursday.  We were scheduled to meet at 7pm but she requested to push it to 8.  I agreed.  It is almost 8:30 before she shows.  When I see her, I think about excusing myself to the rest room so I can update my status to NEXT, once again.  But I give her a shot.  At least she didnt look older than her photos.  A little heavier yes but not older.  I spent the time to get to know her and even ended the date with a kiss.

My third date on Friday in Staten Island was cancelled because I did not contact her between Monday and Friday.  Lesson learned.  But then again, I really did not want to drive to SI anyway.

On Saturday I met up with date #2 for drinks at Croxley's in Farmingdale.  This time she was 45 minutes late.  And since I was 10-15 minutes early, that meant me spending about an hour in the parking lot.   Speaking with her she let me know that she is a perpetually late person, and it would be something I would have to deal with.  We ended the night with another kiss but it left me thinking.

In regards to my previous post, yes I would have slept with her if given the opportunity.   As I said I have no problem with the general definition of casual sex.  The problem is both parties have to be on the same page.  She let me know that she wanted to get to know me better before taking that step. I was already on the fence, and I am not really sure I want to get to know her beyond a physical thing.  Since we are not on the same page, and I don't play games, I have my hook back in the water.

I dont believe in casual sex....

* This is an extension of a facebook update that prompted quite a few comments so I thought I would move it to the blog *

I don't believe in casual sex. Nothing about sex should ever be casual. 
Casual sex is having sex outside of a traditional or romantic relationship.  While the choice of sexual partners and timing may be deemed casual, the actual sex should be anthing but. 

If anything sex with a regular partner and especially between a married couple would should be deemed more casual than casual sex.  Many times this is exactly what leads to the end of relationships.  Sex may then become routine and typically more and more infrequent. 

In the comments prostitues were referrenced more than once, claiming that they would be considered casual sex.   How can anything that is illegal and considered taboo my most people considered casual.  If anything it is the furthest thing from casual sex.  You have to worry about getting arested.  Will it be worth the money.  Why do I feel empty after.  She has to worry about her saftey and whether you are going to try to rip her off.  And both of you have to worry about STDs and your physical saftey.  Now if you think that is casual there is something wrong with your thought process.

I am not saying you should limit yourself to traditional relationships.  We all have our different morals and how precious we hold sex may be different to each of us.  I do think if you are choosing to have sex with multiple partners I think you should be honest with them (and no lies of omission here), or at the very least please be safe.

But the actual sex.  Please dont let it be casual.  You should be looking for nothing less than fireworks.  Otherwise why bother.

Date 1 of 3 for this week down....NEXT!!!

Last weeks date at Eataly was rescheduled for yesterday.  I arrived early to check it out as I have never been.  Quite frankly the place is daunting.  It is kind of amazing but daunting just the same.  The date was for 6:30 and i did not want to message her too early and seem too anxious.  When I am about to message her I check and there is a message that says she arrived early is at the bar already.  I head to the bar and there is a line and they are at capacity.  I suggest we head to another bar.

So here I am waiting for her to come down from the roof top bar.  Watching dark haired women not sure how close to her photo she will appear.  I see some and hope that it might be her, only to have them meet up with their date.  Another seems to be searching for someone as well, but I am like, that can't be her.  She looks nothing like her photo.  As luck would have it...well you know.  In retrospect she had changed her hair color but that was not it.  She looked about 10 years older than her photos.  

So we headed over to the Live Bait bar down the block.  I wouldn't say I had a bad time but I don't think she is the one for me.  Aside from that she also was a little racist.

Maybe I am looking for too much, but I do have 2 more dates setup for this week.

The "I'm not over my ex yet" date

Back in the day, I met a guy on Match.com that seemed nice enough from his profile. We exchanged a few emails back and forth and then moved on to phone calls. During the call he asked me about my past relationships. I know some think this is a big "no no" but i dont' think it's a big deal. Personally, I like to know about a guy's past.

He started to tell me about his ex-girlfriend who had just recently left him. They had been living together. He was just ranting a little about how she used him for a place to live and for his money and blah blah blah...but then we started talking about other things.

The next phone call started out normal but then he said "oh, guess who i heard from today?"...as if he was talking to one of his buddies. Started telling me about the phone call from his ex and how he doesn't know why she's playing with his feelings and so on and so forth. But again that ended and a normal conversation began.

We agreed to meet up for dinner a few nights later. First thing he did was bring up the ex...AND get all teary eyed. This went on for an hour. The ENTIRE dinner conversation revolved around his ex, and how his family didn't like her, and how badly she treated him and how he was going to propose to her....and how...oh god, get me a gun please...

I actually told him he should think about seeing a therapist. He said his brother suggested the same thing.

At the end of the date he asked if he could see me again. I said "Um, no, i think you haven't fully processed this breakup yet." He had no idea what i was talking about.

Great article shared by a friend

Have a look.  If nothing else it is sure to illicit a smile.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/social.media/08/24/online.dating.messages.netiquette/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

no shopping list for me...

Most people approach online dating with what I like the call a "shopping list".   They have a list of everything they are looking for in a potential partner in hopes that this will help them find the perfect person for them.  I have never subscribed to this method.  For the most part it is more of what I can't live with versus what I am looking for.

I was recently asked what I was looking for in a woman.  She liked my response so I thought I would share it here.

"That is a very good question. I am looking for a woman of substance. I think for the most part we are all looking for the same things. Obviously I want to be attracted, but I don't want her looks to define her. For the most part, other than those typical things I really am not looking for anything. I want to fall in love with a woman for who she is, not for what I hope her to be."

Oh the irony...

I would say one of the main reasons that I am single is that I have a fear of rejection.  I wouldn't say that I am shy.  I generally make friends easily, but when it comes to approaching someone I am interested in I freeze.

I guess that is why, for me online dating is ideal. The ironic part is that the rejection rate with online dating is much higher.  People have an idea of what they want and they stick to it.  So for the most part it is a long line of nos. While it is frustrating, for me it is better than a face to face rejection.  I understand I am not for everyone and can move on, usually cursing under my breath.

Perfectly less than...

I can't call you perfect.  Though we sometimes hate to admit it, we all have flaws.  But from the evidence laid before me  I can't see them.  I can't say I think you are perfect.  To do so would imply that I am not willing to accept you for who you are, imperfections and all.

The truth is I don't know you at all.  I see a few photos of you, all of which you have chosen to represent you at your best.  You have cherry picked your words, most of which mirror the thoughts of a majority of other singles.  The truth is, even though each of us is unique, the things that separate us from each other are quite small.  Most of us have the same values, hopes and even general interests.

I can't say you are perfect, and neither am I.  After all no one is.  There is the possibility that we could be perfect for each other.  Are you willing to find out with me?

Let me "ax" you a question...

I absolutely hate it when people stop me mid sentence because I occasionally, or more often then not, pronounce ask as "ax".  I know the difference between the two words, and have never confused the two in writing.  What gets me is they point it out in this higher than might tone, like their shit doesn't stink.  I relish the chance to point their misuse of good when they should be saying well.  I never see anyone getting on southerners for dropping a 'g' from the end of the word, or when people go to visit their "ant" Janet.

What does this have to do with dating?  I have read and been told repeatedly how important spelling and grammar is in both your profile and emails.  Apparently it is especially important to women.  So it irks me to no end when I see it in their profile.  One woman's profile had some of the worst grammar I had ever seen, all while purporting to have gone to Harvard.  Maybe for lunch or to pick of a friend.

The one thing that has been sticking out lately:  I am looking for someone to compliment my life.
OK, here goes.
Your life is awesome! The way get up in the morning.  You have a great job and dance really well.  I find it fascinating the way you continue to breath in and out, and still manage to get things done.

Ladies and gentlemen.  The word is COMPLEMENT. As in something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.  So you are looking for someone to complement your life.

Hopefully you I have just complemented yours and wont mind if I ax you a question....

eHarmony is the Pits

On Saturday I was talking about the new blog to a couple that had met on eHarmony in June.  He proclaimed that he is the blog and I hope that he will be a contributor in the future.  She shared one gem of a horror story regarding her time on eHarmony.com.

One of the features of eHarmony is there "guided communication".  There are 3 rounds of communication that allow you to get to know each other by answering stock questions about each other.  I am sure it is more than that but that is about the gist of it.   

There is the option to skip guided communication and jump right in.  Guided communication though may help to weed out the crazies and here is one example.  She told me that she had only skipped guided communication twice.  The very first time she received a request to do so she looked at the photos and was willing to give it a chance.  The very first email she received the guy responded with, "I liked your profile and would really like to get to know you.   But I need to know...  Would you be willing to grow out your arm pit hair, because that really turns me on."

Excuse the paraphrased quote, but come on.  Is this really the way you want to start a conversation.  I guess it is for the best, so she didnt end up getting involved with the guy and then finding out he was a freak.  Freak may be a bit too harsh.  He has a fetish and there is nothing wrong with that.  There are however other dating sites where this may have been deemed appropriate.  On most however it will just get you blocked.

Updating my profile...

Yesterday I had an unbiased review of my profile. As it stands it is too verbose. Internet daters can tend to get bored easily, so a long winded profile will lose their interest quickly. I was also told that my photos don't present me in a good light. I can't do much about the photos until I have better ones taken. I will however be rewriting my profile.

How to spot a fake

As a general rule, if it looks too good to be true, it usually is.  We will reserve misleading or outdated photos for another day, but many profiles are using images that have been stolen from the web.  I use tineye.com and Google's new image search to help me spot fakes. 99% of the time if they come back with a result then the profile is a fake.  Tineye.com has plugins available for most browsers while Google's image search plugin is currently only compatible with Chrome and Firefox.  Just because there is no match on one or the other doesn't mean that the ad isn't a fake so refer back to the general rule.

There are rare cases where you will find a match and the profle will not be a fake, so be weary prior to reporting it for removal.

Here is a profile that I reported today:  http://www.plentyoffish.com/member30286864.htm

Hopefully it will be removed soon.  Not only were they using stolen photos but the search results revealed that the profile has photos of 3 different models.

Dating in the Shallows

The title of this blog refers to the dating pool, and more specifically to dating online.  There are a myriad of online dating sites to choose from both paid and free.  1 in 5 people have dated someone they have met online and 17% of couples who married met on a dating website. (dating facts & statistics)

Still with millions of profiles to choose from it is a daunting task to find that special someone.  All sites are littered with fake profiles and people who are just trying it out or not serious about meeting someone online.  Filtering through all of that and trying to find someone who is mutually interested in meeting you can start to be quite frustrating.

For this blog to be successful I need contributors.  Share your personal success and horror stories.  What has worked for you and what hasn't.  Share your basic frustrations.  Profiles that you thought would be perfect for you  yet did not share your interest.  Also share links to profiles that are obviously fakes or scams, or just border on the ridiculous.

Let me know if you would like to be a contributor.